Watching & Waiting

I can't believe how long it's been since I've posted! I will have to make a belated new year's resolution to try and post more often - at least once per week. Even if it's not read by anyone, at least it's some therapy for me!!

After a traumatice couple of days, I've finally come to the end of this round of treatment - it's perhaps the last ever, we won't know until after a scan in about 6 weeks, which hopes to determine how the treatment has worked on the lymphoma cells and how we need to proceed from here. Hopefully the lymphoma will be in remission but we don't know.

We have had a lovely Christmas together as a family with both mine and Colin's parents joining us over the past number of weeks to stay for days / weeks and we have just enjoyed the time with our boys.

The boys on the beach at Ballygalley

Thomas joining in the fun at W5

The beginning of our wait for the scan and the news that will follow has helped me to focus on the season just past, Christmas. The birth of Jesus. How much more difficult must it have been for those lonely, weary, travellers on the road to Bethlehem who had both received such unexpected visitors bringing them such amazing news in the months previous to their journey.

They, unlike us, were not 'privy' to the end of the story, they were unaware of the amazing life that this little babe would lead.

We experience this story, with the hindsight that 2,000 years gives us. With the luxury of the history and the experience of all those who have gone before and shared with us their faith and the impact that His lowly birth had on them.

For Mary and Joseph, they waited, longing to know what would happen to their child, Jesus. They entrusted God in their waiting, they didn't know the outcome, what impact his life and death would have on the world. They didn't have the luxury of knowing the end of the story - in some ways I wonder if this would have been easier, if they had known what was going to happen, would they have tried to change the course of history. Or was it harder to wait, to watch and see what time would unfold for their son, who was also the Son of God.

I am in no way trying to draw paralleles between my life and that of Jesus! However, I am in the midst of the waiting, trusting, hoping but knowing that in this the outcome may well be something unexpected, different to what I hope for, but it could also be something so far beyond my wildest dreams that I am unable to ever imagine what it could be. Isn't it so scary yet so wonderful all at the same time. That rollercoaster of emotion, that ever changing state of flux!

I know the constants that are with me on this journey, the stars and the rainbows. Even in the daylight when we can't see them, as my good friend recently reminded me in a wonderful gift, the day stars are there, we just can't see them. To you friends who are the constant encouragers and supporters on this journey - thank you for being the rainbows and stars. 

Perhaps i am better not knowing the outcome to this situation, but in other ways, as I've previously explained, this does not sit easily with the one who tries to plan and to know what is ahead and tries to anticipate this - I'm still learning to listen to the "still, small voice of calm!"

Hopefully I will be posting again soon - but then again don't hold your breath, I said that last time (9th November!!!!) Here's hoping.........

........ in the meantime, keep looking for the rainbows and stars!