Remission

Remission! It's a funny word. Of course, I am absolutely thrilled. What I didn't realise is that it brings with it a raft of watching and waiting for the next few weeks, months and years, monitoring of bloods, checking out other signs and symptoms to "make sure." As I've explained before, me and uncertainty don't go too well together, but I will take this hands down anyday!!!   The illness of my aunt, who unfortunately won't go into remission but who is expected only to last for the next day or too, again from cancer, and hearing from the consultant that one of the ladies I was being treated with who seemed like me, relatively well and who had exactly the same kind of cancer as I did, had died last week, focuses the mind all too sharply but also helps me to realise just how thankful I am.

Thankful that I am in remission; thankful to all who have nursed and looked after me; thankful to all who have held my hand and wiped my tears; thankful to my work and colleagues for their support; thankful to my friends, church family and family for all their support and thankful to God for His many blessings.

I had also hoped that by now I would be feeling so much better. Don't get me wrong, of course I feel better than I did but I get so very tired. I do something because I feel fine but end up feeling tired because I have tried to do whatever it is. Tomorrow for example, it's the MWI service in the morning at Church and of course I want to support Joan (who is preaching,) and the ladies who have done all the organising and planning but I also would like to support my friend and her family who are burying their dad tomorrow afternoon. I know I can't do both and it just gets so frustrating. Colin reminds me daily that rather than look at it this way I should perhaps just be thankful that I can choose to do either of them, perhaps if I was feeling worse then I couldn't do any of them, I know he is right.

Wonderful things that have been the rainbows and stars of the last few weeks and months have been:
Watching as Colin has begun to investigate, and has now started on his photography venture / business.

 My Lovely Hubby!

Enjoying crafting when I've needed some quiet time at home, something which I hadn't done for a while before I became unwell - thankyou Leanne, Alison, & Sharon for the inspiration.

 Eoin & Jack

Spending time with my boys - watching Eoin gain some independence as he went with the other children in P6 in his school to the Share Centre in Enniskillen - something both he and I were very nervous about. He's back yesterday and he had an absolute ball. He joined in all of the activities and it's just so wonderful to start to see him develop into a young man.

I have started to work with Heather from The Ulster Cancer Foundation, on a project called "Writing for the Future," and she is helping me to put together something for the boys. Hopefully an insurance policy which I will never need to use - a book and a box for each of the boys with some thoughts and feelings in it to help them to gain a better sense of connection to me if the worst was to happen. I hope that I will be embarrassing them with it in years to come and that they won't have to look at it alone while they are still children, but I know I will feel better to have done it.

Thank you all for your support.

Louise